The Journey Begins

My story is not unlike all the rest out there. But it is mine and I feel that I have to share it, if only for my future (healthier) self.

I have always been larger than everyone else. When I was in elementary school I was taller than everyone and it was about in grade 4 or so when I started getting teased for being fatter than everyone else too (although at that time it was barely noticeable). When I got into high school the pounds really started packing on. I am not sure if it was lack of knowledge about nutrition, peer pressure situations, stress from school, family and friends or a mixture of all of these things (and more I am sure) but the came so fast it felt like there was nothing I could do about it. Eventually it got to a point where the amount I had to lose was so large that is felt unmanageable – it was just so incredibly overwhelming. I realize now that I also did not have the proper support system around me to deal with all of this. I had incredibly low self-esteem and though I never thought about suicide, I was never truly happy. I thought I had great friends, but high school kids are mean and it is a time in life where even your best friends can be your worst enemies.

When I was in OAC I learned a little about what friends are supposed to be. This fact was reinforced when I left my small town home for the big city and the university therein. I met the person who would change my life for the better, someone I never knew existed, C. As soon as she walked through the residence door I knew I had made a friend for life. She slowly started fixing my self-esteem (though I am not even sure if she knew she was in the beginning) and taught me what a true best friend was.

During the first 4 months of university, I lost an incredible 20 pounds without even trying. The bad thing about that was I was doing nothing good for my body so I really didn’t learn a thing. I was eating junk most of the time (at least 2 of my 3 meals during the day) and snacking constantly. My walking was increased significantly but not nearly enough to counteract the food going in my mouth. I think it might have been due to all the new stresses entering my life, but who knows really. The weight stayed off during the second term and I met the next person who would change me for the better, D. He became the love of my life and without my best friend I never would have had the courage to start anything (I owe her for him too I suppose). He loves me for me and it is because of him that I am now able to make a good commitment to bettering my future.

Unfortunately when I returned home for the summer all the weight came flying back and it seemed impossible to lose it again. When I returned to the big city for my second year I had pretty much given up and decided that I didn’t need to lose weight.

It was about this time that my mom was getting knee surgery after knee surgery to try to lessen the pain she experienced when she walked and when she was diagnosed with breast cancer I (and everyone in my family) got a big scare. Not only could I lose my mom, but if I kept on the path I was on cancer and painful joints would likely be my future as well. Luckily my mom fought and made it through everything (proving to me that she is the bravest and strongest person I have or will ever know/n).

I lost weight last summer (about 20 pounds) and all but 5 came back, but I did manage to keep the 5 off which is a good thing.

I am now officially recognizing how much weight I have to lose to be classified as healthy (although I am taking it one teeny milestone at a time) and I know I can do it.

I do not expect many people to read this or really to care about my journey, as it is similar so many others out there, I am really just keeping this journal to help myself. :)